The Bar Fight
by moldie07
Summary: World War 2 reenacted as a bar fight. Prussia and Germany goes to the bar Europa to get some drinks. Prussia quickly gets drunks and picks a fight with Poland. Things escalate quickly as guns are drawn and a full blown bar fight ensues.


Part (1): Prussia picks a Fight

All was going well in the bar Europa, the most prominent and popular world power bar out there. As always there was Switzerland at the bar, serving drinks and mainly telling people pay up or get out, usually Spain who was trying to buy drinks with bread again, having just gone through another civil war. Sitting in the dark cold, dubbed Siberia corner, lay Russia in his favourite seat, having passed out form drinking too much vodka again. Sitting together as always was the Allies, France drinking a fancy martini and Britain drinking a pint, already piss drunk, and Poland, having recently joined them at France's insistence. In the Asia corner was Japan, China and Australia, the first two playing a game of chess whilst Australia watched on. At the bar was the brothers Germany and Prussia, drinking beer. Near them was Italy, not drinking but flirting with Belgium and Hungary. Around the room was Greece, playing with his cats, Canada eating some poutine and Austria playing on the piano as always.

Prussia turned to Germany, his vision blurring as the drink started to take him. "Why did they Danzig from me? Was it because I was too awesome!?" He said to Germany, in his usual arrogant shouting voice.

Germany sighed into his drink, "It's because you picked a fight with everyone you dummkopf, and they won."

"I'm too awesome too lose to anyone!" Prussia continued drunkenly, "And I'm not letting that unawesome Poland keep my Danzig. I'm going to beat his unawesome face to a pulp with my awesome fists!"

Prussia staggered to his feet, finishing off his drink, and started to walk over to the Allies table. Germany got to his feet as well, carrying his drink with him. He knew Prussia well enough that he was going to start a fight. He turned over to Italy and said to him, "Italy, come here," looking up to the ceiling and saying with dread, "I might need your help."

"But Germany," Italy started, "Can't you see I'm talking to some pretty girls?" His words brought a giggle from Belgium and Hungary.

"Then stay here, you'd probably be useless anyway."

"Germany…" Italy whined, "You know I've been training."

Germany glared at Italy, "Yes, on how to make white flags and run away."

"Well…." Italy began, thumbing a white flag in his hand.

Germany started to walk after Prussia again, he was very close to the Allies table and Germany wanted to try and advert an all-out brawl. A few seconds later Italy run after him, leaving Belgium and Hungary at the table.

"Well hello there gentleman," France greeted them, Poland ignoring them and Britain too drunk to realise there was anyone new there.

"Give me back Danzig you unawesome slav!" Prussia shouted, picking up Poland by his shirt.

"France…" Poland said, his voice trembling with fear.

"Please Prussia, can you put Poland down?" France asked, Britain letting out another groan.

But Prussia did the opposite of that, he instead started to beat up Poland, demanding him to give back Danzig over and over again. France got up from his seat, sweeping his luscious hair behind him. He tried to pull Prussia off of Poland, but not putting into too much effort because he didn't want to mess up his hair.

"Germany!" Prussia shouted, "Get this unawesome man off of my sexy awesome body!"

Germany shook his head, picking up Britain's beer. He didn't want to fight France, but he couldn't let his brother down. German honour demanded that he did something. So taking Britain's beer, he poured it on France's beautiful, flowing hair.

The scream could've woken the dead.

And it did. Britain looked up from his drooling mess, his hair sticking to his face. When he saw Germany holding his cup, his drink covering France, his hair was now a lank disgusting mess. Britain got very angry very quickly, because nobody got between a British man and his drink.

Standing up, pulling his pistol from his holster, Britain glared at Germany, "You touched my drink you twat," and all hell broke loose.

Part (2): Behind the Bar

As soon Switzerland saw Prussia starting to fight Poland, he realised that this was going to get bad very quickly. But when he saw Germany touch Britain's drink, he knew that this was going to end up in a gun fight. Quietly he picked up his rifle on his back wall, indicating to Hungary and Belgium that they should leave.

They were halfway to the door when the first shot was fired. He dropped down behind the bar, loading his rifle as quickly as possible, planning on shooting anyone that dared to disturb his bar. He was breathing hard behind the bar, drinks on the shelf above him shattering as the gun fight ensued, his heart racing.

It took him a few seconds to realise that it wasn't only his breath behind the counter. Readying his rifle, he pointed it to his right, where a flustered Spain was sitting next to him. "You have ten seconds to explain why you are here before I shoot you," Switzerland said to him.

Spain nearly jumped over the counter, turning to Switzerland, the gun right in his face. "Uhh..." he muttered, "Please accept this bread as my gift" he said, extending his bag of bread towards Switzerland.

Switzerland took the bag and threw it away, starting to count down, "Nine, Eight…"

Spain started to fluster, "I, uhh…"

"Seven, Six…"

Spain ran his hand through his hair, trying to find a way not to be shot by Switzerland.

"Five, Four…"

"Please don't shoot me," he started to cry, "I've got a loving family, sweet Belgium and, uh, Romano. Please don't kill me, please."

"Three, Two…"

"I'm neutral in this fight, like you, I'm not with any of the others, please don't kill me." Spain waited for a few seconds, waiting for the shot that would kill him. It didn't come. He looked over his hands that had been covering his face. Switzerland was still there, but instead of pointing at him, he was aiming over the counter shooting at the others. Spain could occasionally hear the squeal of Italy as he got close to the counter.

"Why didn't you shoot me?" Spain asked.

Switzerland shrugged, "I could waste ammo on you, but you're not part of this so I didn't need to shoot you."

"So it's fine for me to stay here?"

Sighing, Switzerland replied, "As long as you don't get in my way."

"That's marvellous, while I'm here I'll make you some Pincho and Paella…" Spain continued to list of various foods that he would cook, whilst Switzerland shook his head as he wished that he had shot him.

Part (3): Useless Italy

Germany crouched over the upturned table, shooting over the table sporadically. He looked over the mess that he had inadvertently made around him. Across the stretch of no-man's land Britain was shooting at him, shouting at him about touching his drinks. France was sitting next to Britain, sobbing incoherently about his ruined hair. Prussia was still next to Germany, laughing hysterically as he continued to punch Poland's face in. He spotted Italy running towards the counter, but kept on getting turned back by Switzerland, usually with gunfire. He couldn't see Austria where he was, but he could still hear him playing on the piano. Greece was still playing with his cats, oblivious to the bullets flying around him. Germany didn't notice Canada, still eating his poutine.

"Italy get over here!" he shouted.

Italy got up and smiled at him stupidly. That smile always sent a shiver down Germany's spines, it was completely devoid of intelligence. He ran over to sit next to Germany, asking "What do you need me to do Germany?"

Germany pointed over to Greece and said, "He is a friend of Britain, bring him over here."

Italy smiled, "Okay Germany, whatever you say." He ran in the direction of Greece. Germany had to turn back to his fight with Britain though, as a chunk of the table he was hiding behind turned into splinters.

After a minute or so of frantic fighting, Germany heard Italy say behind him, "Germany…"

He turned around to see what had happened. Italy was covered with scratch marks, as if he had ran into an Italy sized box of razors. "What the hell happened to you?" Germany asked.

"Well…" Italy began, "I went up to Greece like you said. And asked him if he would like to come over here. He said no, so I said you really want you over here. He said no again. I asked pretty please. He said if I didn't leave he would set his cats after me. I tried to ask again but..."

"He set the cats on you," Germany finished for him. Germany shook his head in disgust, "You are absolutely useless aren't you?"

Italy started to cry. "I'm sorry Germany," he sobbed, "I'll do it better next time, I promise."

Germany rested his head in his hands, "Go find Canada and bring him here, he should be enough to make Britain stop. And I'm sure that even _you_ would be able to handle Canada."

Italy stopped crying and smiled again, "Don't worry Germany, I'll do it this time." Italy ran off again, leaving Germany to fight England alone again, Prussia still laughing and hitting Poland.

It didn't take long for Italy to return. Germany turned to look at him and started shouting at Italy for his complete ineptness. "HOW DID YOU GET BEATEN BY CANADA? CANADA!" He shouted, whilst Italy smiled at him, his head covered in poutine.

Part (4): The Chess game

Even as bullets flew about them Japan and China continued their chess game. Japan calmly moved his piece, saying "Check," when he placed his piece. Sweat beaded down China's face, as he tried to decide what to do next. Australia was leaning over his shoulder, watching the game.

China picked up a piece and moved it, a drop of sweat dropping off of his chin. Australia winced as he did so, Japan commenting, "That was not a wise move."

Japan quickly made his next move, causing Australia to wince again, as he realised just how buggered China was. "What's wrong?" China asked Asutralia.

"Nothing much mate, except that you're really buggered now," He replied.

"What do you mean, 'buggered'?"

Australia shook his head, "Well mate its simple, your dead. He's got you trapped mate, you'll lose in a few turns." Japan smiled as he heard these comments.

China started to sweat even more, "How do I beat him then?"

Australia just continued to shake his head, "There is nothing you can do mate, as I said, you're dead."

China beat his hands against the table, shaking it, "I hate this game, why are we playing this?"

"Because you said that as my elder you could beat me at any game of my choosing," Japan replied.

"Did I really say that?" China said, his face dropping.

"Yes you did, your move."

China made his move. It didn't take long for Japan to make quick work of China's position, defeating him within only a few moves. China got up from his seat, dropping down next to the wall as Australia took his seat.

"So you wish to challenge me, Australia-san?" Japan challenged.

Australia smiled, "You better bet it mate, never lost a game in my life."

Japan peered at Australia, "This is no sport, it is a game of though and skill."

"Mate, chess is recognised as a sport in my country, and I'm the best at all sports," Australia smiled faded a little, "Except Ice Hockey, Canada's got me there, but don't tell anyone."

"Well then, Australia-san, let the game begin," and he made the first move.

Part (5): Russia is awoken

Germany shot again at England, getting a series of shouts and insults in return. "Aww, little weak Poland is unconscious. He couldn't withstand my awesome fists!" Prussia shouted next to him.

"Would you keep it down dummkopf, you've already got us in enough of a mess," Germany scolded him, "Next you would be suggesting to go fight Russia."

Prussia slapped Germany's back, "What an awesome idea brother! I'll take my awesome fists and beat him into awesome submission!"

Germany sighed into his hands, "Do you even know what you are saying?"

"What brother?" Prussia said, apparently still drunk after all of this time.

"Just don't get yourself killed, and try to not to get Russia involved, he is scary."

Prussia laughed again, "Don't worry brother, no one can defeat my awesome awesomeness!"

Standing Prussia started to walk over to the Siberian corner. Germany started to pray to some god. Russia was snoring quietly in his corner, his scarf wrapped closely around him as he slept. Prussia knelt in front of Russia, and started to poke him. "Wakey, wakey Russia. It is time for AWESOME BEATINGS!" Prussia shouted in his face.

Russia's eye started to open, and he began to yawn. "What do you mean by beating's little man?" he asked.

"I will beat you awesomely like I beat Poland! For I am the most awesome PRUSSIA!" he blustered again.

Russia laughed, "You funny little man, how do you think that you would be fighting me."

"I AM NOT LITTLE MAN! I AM THE MIGHTY, AWESOME PRUSSIA!" Prussia shouted at the top of his lungs. The entire bar went silent, even the gunfire stoped.

"Well little man, if you want to fight we will." Russia then stood up, raising over the still crouching Prussia. He slowly pulled something out, a long metal piece of piping. "This is my magical iron pipe of pain. He would like to be talking with you."

Prussia fell back on his arse, crawling away from Russia. "I thought we would be fighting with fists," Prussia said, his usual gusto failing him.

Russia laughed, "Of course not silly little man, I'll be beating you with this, and it is much more fun. For me at least."

Prussia tried to stand and run away, but Russia swung down with his pipe of pain. Prussia squealed like a little girl as Russia laid into him, beating the absolute snot out of him. Germany looked over to see what was happening, and shuddered. Prussia had brought this on his own though, and there is nothing he could at this time.

Part (6): The Chess game Pt. 2

Australia stared at the board, trying to decide his next move. He picked up his last knight, moving it defensively. "I am surprised Australia-san, that you have survived this long," Japan said to him.

"Well mate," Australia replied, wiping the sweat off of his brow, "I'm a bit surprised as well, I didn't think you were _this_ good."

Japan nodded his head to Australia, "My thanks, you too are a fairly well skilled opponent, but I do not think that you will survive for long."

"Me too mate, me too. Though it was a fun one."

"Very much so, Australia-san," Japan moved his next piece.

"Hey Australia, Japan what are you playing?" someone asked.

Looking over his shoulder Australia saw America moving towards them. "Oh, just a friendly game of chess mate."

"Yes, America, Australia-san and I are playing a game of chess, one he is about to lose." Japan added.

"Chess!" America said excitedly, "I love chess, whose turn is it?"

"My turn mate, and I'm absolutely buggered on what to do." Australia told him.

America looked closely at the board, reading the board thoroughly, "I know what you should do, as I should do as the hero, just move this one here," he said, pointing at the board.

"America, I do not think you should be helping Australia-san, this is a game between us not you," Japan complained.

"Come on. Just giving a friendly hints," America pleaded.

"I'm fine with me helping me, maybe together we could beat you," Australia added.

Japan sighed, "Fine then, I still think you shall lose from this position," moving his next piece.

America's smile reached his ears, moving the next piece. From there the game changed, America was able to push Japan back on the board, forcing him to defend. Soon it was Japan's forehead that was covered in sweat, him wiping it off.

"I think you've lost Japan," America said.

"I… I…" Before Japan could reply a bullet hit the chess board, scattering the pieces.

America's eyes grew flinty, as he realised he wouldn't be able to win the game, "Who did this?" he asked the table. Australia was silent as he pointed towards Germany. America stood up and started to walk towards him.

Part (7)/ Epilogue: America finishes it

Germany fired his final shot at Britain, getting only a shout in return, "You blasted Kraut, spilt my drink!"

Suddenly there was a tapping on his shoulder, "What is it Italy?" he asked absently.

"America is coming this way, and he doesn't look happy," Italy replied. Germany began to turn to Italy, only to see him starting to run away, even leaving his white flags behind. Italy had started towards the counter again, but was quickly running the other direction as Switzerland shouted and shot at him again.

"You ruined my game Germany," an angry voice sounded behind him.

Germany slowly turned to see the sound of the voice. America was standing over him, eyes glowing red with anger. "I don't know what you mean America."

"My chess game with Japan, you destroyed it." America picked up Germany with one hand, and started to beat him up. As America was doing this the rest of the remaining patrons watched, this more or less ended the bar fight. Germany couldn't withstand America's onslaught, and Italy had already run away, and Prussia was currently being beaten up by Russia.

Switzerland looked at the mess that had been made of his bar commenting, "This is going to cost a lot to fix."

Spain stood up next to him, holding a huge pot of Paella. "Free paella for everyone!"


End file.
